


Awake

by rosy_eyes



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, M/M, disregard that last tag hahaha, it's definitely not, this is a very serious fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 22:43:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5683756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosy_eyes/pseuds/rosy_eyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“My young padawan, he is too strong. You may have defeated Ben once...but Snoke has been training him for years, whereas we only had a couple of weeks. For now, I shall face my nephew. You and your friends must go back to Takodana and find Maz. It is there where you will continue your training.”</p><p>Rey’s body trembled at the thought of losing another loved one. Luke, whom she adopted as her surrogate father after Han Solo, was a powerful Jedi, but could he win this fight? Will Kylo Ren take him away from Rey, too?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awake

 

once upon a time in a galxy thats like really far away. like...reall far away. and it was a long time ago too..

 

DUHHHHH, DUH-DUH-DUH, DUH DUHJDHGFJNGHOLYSHiOT!!!

 

so rey found luke skywalker who was just chillin on an island on some planet and shes like. . his padawan now. idk. meanwhile finn is in a coma bc kyle ren like sliced up finn’s spine??? he should be dead honestly but finns gay power is so strong that hes stayin alive 4 poo, his 1 tru love. now rey is training w luke…

 

~

 

“GOD OLD MAN WHY CANT U WALK ON UR OWN” screamed Rey (my beautiful wife) as she carried luk skywarlder on her back

 

he shrugged a bit “its teaching u 2 be a jedi, padawan”

 

“how??

 

“idk an old lizard alien guy told me it does. i think he was just fucking around tbh lol”

 

“lmao fuck u” rey said and she drop kicked lukce into the ocean and *whispers* “get dunked on”

 

SUdden;y a x wing fighter space ship or whatever its called crashed into the island! 

 

Chewy: *surprised chewbacca noises*

 

rey ran to the crash. and she sees finn and poo and bb-8 cralwing out of the crash sihght. she grww excited after seeing fiinn

 

“eyyyyyyyyy” finn said, pointibg finger guns at rey

 

“eyyyyyyyy” rey replies, pointing finger guns at finn and thnen saids “oh what happened an how come ur not in a coma no more and” she stare at poo “who the fuck is that”

 

“wait u dont know poo my bf??”

 

“bruh he was gone for like over ½ of the movie and i never talked to him”

 

“o yeah”

 

poo waved and hten wehnt on to explain what tf just happened

 

“k so what happend was that i was all sad about finn being not conscious bc i luv him”

 

finn smiled “awww bro”

 

“lol ye bro so i was sad and so i leaed over and kiSsED him and!!!! he woke up!! it was real romantic and we kissed some more and evrryone was so ahappy but r2 was so excited that he rolled into a gas tank and like methane was being released into the room!!!! and while seethreepeeo was yelling @ him finn accidlentilly kicked bb8 and bb8 got mad and flipped him off but u know his middle finger is fire so.. the facility exploded”

 

“o shit” said rey”. “but wait i thought r2 came w me an d chewwie to this islan--”

 

“yeAH OK but the author of this shitty fanfic didnt realize that until she wtched the force awakens a 2nd time, but she already wrote that section and shes 2 lazy 2 change it “

 

k

 

so every one died. including leia and c3p0 and r2 :(. we didnt die bc our gay aura was so itnesne that it rpotected us. so we decided to like. look 4 u and hang out w u bc idk.”

 

“noice.”

 

finn raised his hand “o ye btw kylo knows wehre u r and hes coming 4 luke and he also wants 2 kill u, Reuy.”

 

“fuck”

 

“yup”

 

then chewbaka ran up making chewbacca noises 

 

translation: THERES A FUCKING HUGE EVIL SPACESHIP COMING AFTER US

 

“AW, FUCK” rey, finn, & poo screEMD

 

thr evil spaceship landed on the island. rey tried to talk 2 the space ship w the force

 

_ “You will not hurt us and you will fly away from here.” _

 

luke yelled from the ocean (he was still stuck there) “u fuckin idiot u cant do that w spaceship”

 

“o sorry lol”

 

and then the evil force froze rey finn and poo in place. bb8 tried 2 flip off the ship but accidentally rolled away and was nvr seen agan.

 

the door thing 2 the spaceship opened and cptn phasma walked twordsa the trio. on her helmet, someone had drawn angry eyebrows w a blsck sharpie. 

 

“hey.” she said “its the traitor who *coughTRAITORcough* shoved me down a garbage chute TRAITOR *coughcough*.”

 

finn rulled his eyes “can u not”

 

“wheres kylo?” asked rey

 

“he’ll come out in a sec hes just putting on black eyeliner and hes trying 2 make a cool entrance”

 

sudden;y the dorr thing of the spaceship oepend and music BLASTED from the entrance

 

“ _ WIDE AWAKE I’M BORED AND CAN’T FALL ASLEEP _

_ AND EVERY NIGHT IS THE WORST NIGHT EVER _

_ I’M JUST A KID AND LIFE IS A NIGHTMARE,  _

_ I’M JUST A KID, I KNOW THAT IT’S NOT FAIR,  _

_ NOBODY CARES, ‘CAUSE I’M ALONE AND THE WORLD IS _

_ HAVING MORE FUN THAN ME TONIGHT _ ”

 

kyle ren emerged! “hello friends i am here 2 fuck up ur lives”

 

luke (finally free from the ocean’s grasp) walked towards them and recognized kyle “o hey ben” he said

 

kyleo looked disgusted and he flipped his hair drmatically “UNCLE LUKE I FUCKING TOLD YOU AND MY MOM AND DAD THAT ITS KYLO REN. BEN IS A STUPID ASS NAME UGH I FUCKING H8 U”

 

rey then used her force to unforce her and finn and poo and she whipped out her life saver “shut the fuck up u god damn emo and fight me”

 

kyle took out his lightsaber and spun it 2 look cool “lets fuckin go 

 

“rey nooooo!!!!” finn said but he adnd poo were held bakc by phasma 

 

“Tdon’t Rfuckin Ainterfere Iyou Tstupid Oscrub Rlord”

 

“ok can u fuckin not with that”

 

then luke took rey’s light saber. she protested but he held up a finger 2 her lips and saids

 

“My young padawan, he is too strong. You may have defeated Ben once--”

 

“ITS FUCKIN GG KYLO RENN UNCLE LUKKE OH MY FIOCING GSODFFGG” kyle cried and tried 2 stab a rock w his wepaon

 

“--but Snoke has been training him for years, whereas we only had a couple of weeks. For now, I shall face my nephew. You and your friends must go back to Takodana and find Maz. It is there where you will continue your training.”

 

Rey’s body trembled at the thought of losing another loved one. Luke, whom she adopted as her surrogate father after Han Solo, was a powerful jedi, but could he win this fight? Will Kylo Ren take him away from Rey, too? Despite these dark and troubling thoughts, Rey fought back her tears and nodded.

 

“That is good.” Luke squeezed Rey’s hand and gave her a warm smile. His mechanical hand was cold and smooth compared to her warm and rough one. “You have such great potential to become one of the best jedis, and I am proud to have you as my padawan. I guarantee that I will find you and--”

 

kyle ren stabbed luke. luke fell and dieed. rey cried byt kyle smiled evilly

 

“rest in pieces” he said     ,

 

rey gravbbed luks light saber and yellED “I’M GOING 2 FUCKINGD KILL YOU SO HARD”

 

“lets fuckin go” 

 

before rey charged, she heard a voice!!!

 

_ “Use the force, Rey.” _

 

“wtf is that” rey said in her head

 

“lol im just messin w u” and then luke’s force ghost thing appeared. “check it out rey im a ghost and shit”

 

“ya ok whatevrer can u jhelp me here”

 

“ih yeah. I was just kidding about the force. tbh i dont rlly know how u can defeat him?? but i DO know how to make him let his guard down so u can run aeway”

 

luke whispered stuff 2 rey. rey nodded

 

“ok got it” she said. rey turned 2 kyle “ur costume is stupid”

 

kyle froze “what.”

 

“its stupid. u dont even need the cape and the mask. i mean darth vader needed hte mask bc it helped him breath and talk and shit bc u kno he was kinda burned alive so why r u doing it? also what the fuck is that name? kylo ren? just stick w ben stop trying 2 pull some ebony dark’ness dementia raven way bs ok its not cool”

 

“ **EXCUSE YOU** .” kyle rens emo levels went up by 20%. “I HAD MY MASK SPECIALLY MADE I KILLED LIKE 10 GUYS SO I CAN HAVE IT MADE AND ALSO THIS NAME IS UNIQUE AND SPECIAL IT DESRIBES ME AS A BEING FULL OF ANGST AND DARKNESS AND SADNESS AND PAIN. AND YOU COME INTO MY HOU SE. YOU D--”

 

“ur bands suck, 2” rey says; “simple plan is trash. secondhand serenade is trash. so is paramore and twenty one pilots”

 

poo talked “actually paramore and twenty one pilots are p good . like hayley williams is *thumbs up*”

 

“yea i kno i like them 2” rey whispered “and im super gay 4 hayley williams but im just trying 2 weaken him”

 

“o ok”

 

kyles emo levels went up to 90%!1!

 

“THEIR SONGS SPEAK 2 ME. THEY EXPRESS AND BRING OUT MY INNER TORMENT. ‘BROKEN’ BY PARAMORE = GOOD SONG. ‘STRESSED OUT’ BY TWENTY ONE PILOTS = GREAT SONG. ‘NO LOVE’ BY SIMPLE PLAN IS MY FUCKING SONG AND DONTY YOU DARE SAY THAT TEHY SUCK YOU SDTUPID FUCKING PREP”

 

“ur eyelineer is shit, too.” rey smirked “u will never be like darth vader. u god dam  **poser** .”

 

kyleo s emo level went up to 110%. finn and poo went all “OOOOOOOOOO SHIT SON UR GONNA NEED LIKE 10 FEDORAS 2 COVER UP THAT SICK BURN”. in the distance, chewie is using the airhorn app on his iphone to make airhorn noises. 

 

“nooooooo” kyle collapsd and sobbed while muttering “i hate my fucking life i hate everything” and while his emo music still played in the background:

 

“ _ I MAY BE SAD BUT I’M NOT WEAK _

_ THIS SITUATION IS BLEAK _

_ AND YOUR PUFFY EYES NEVER LIE _

_ YOUR TEARS COME FROM INSIDE _ ”

 

finn took thsis moment to punch phasma in the face. “LETS GO GUYS” and he, poo, rey, and bb8 (who showed up suddenly) ran to the falcon

 

phasma shooked her fist in the air “YOU MEDDLING TRAITOR”

 

“SHUT THE UP FUCK”

 

rey stopped 4 a moment and shoueted “BTW UR GRANDPA WENT BACK TO THE LIGHT SIDE JUST SO U KNOW”

 

kyle didnt here her. he was too busy sninging w his music and crying

 

“maybe if my heart stops beating it wont hurt this much, and never will i have to answer again to anyone :’(” *a single tear runs down his cheek*

 

rey finn poo bb8 and chewie flied away. finn and poo made out while bb8 flipped them off and while rey looked out into space lustfully, thnking about her life. and then she saw the starship enterprise coming towards the falcon

  
“wtf” she thought

**Author's Note:**

> I swear. I'm a super serious author. Except when it comes to fanfiction.  
> Emo songs featured in this fic:  
> "I'm Just a Kid" by Simple Plan, "I Hate This Song" by Secondhand Serenade, and "Never Let This Go" by Paramore.  
> This fic took way more effort than it should have, but I hope you guys liked it. I had to go back and listen to the bands I loved when I went through my emo phase in 7th grade to find the perfect angsty songs to capture Kylo Ren's inner pain. I think I did a good job on that.


End file.
